The Gamers’ Tavern & Me: How I Got Here
My Story
I’ve sat on this one for a few weeks to be honest, but off the back of seeing our Gamer’s Tavern community come together in such a lovely and heart warming way over the last few weeks (be it looking out for each other in tough times, being super generous and gifting each other steam games from each other’s wish list for secret santa, etc) I felt compelled to reflect and write on my story as to how I ended up here- and crucially, why it couldn’t have come at a better time. I was at what could have been a pretty low point in my life.
Let’s go back a few years, to before I became a part of The Tavern. I’d been working as an A&E nurse (or Emergency Room for you overseas folk) and somewhere between end of 2021 and mid 2022, I left this job after 8 years of being there. I’d experienced a fair amount of tough, hollowing experiences in my time there, but of course the COVID era was…the final nail in the coffin to say the least. To sum it up in just a few words, I can only describe it as just a conveyor belt of bodies. Anyway, my point being- I was coming out of that job in somewhat of a shell shocked state to say the least.
I had two friends that I really counted on during these times. One of which I’d never met before, who I’d met online through the game Payday 2 mid way through my uni degree (age 21). We used to play games almost every day together (although in later years this became less frequent due to work, but none the less, at least once or twice a week we’d have a good long gaming session) and racked up hours and hours playing various coop games together- we were a great duo. We knew each other very well and shared all our highs and lows. The other, I’d known since the age of 16 where we met at an athletics club and became very, very good friends over the years. I guess you could call us “wingmen”. He would go on to be the best man at my wedding.
Fast forward back to the later years of 2022 & 2023, both of these friendships came crashing down. My online friend had been displaying small little worrying behaviours and traits over the course of a year whereby he became incredibly misogynistic and hateful towards women- which ended with him sending a full on one way incel rant to me in messages followed by completing cutting me off of any communication with him. That was that, poof. Gone- almost 12 years of close friendship down the drain with no chance to talk or discuss.
Then, after my wife and I got married and we were in the last month or so of pregnancy awaiting the arrival of our daughter, my other best mate (also having started to show a very different side to him since our wedding) did some pretty unforgivable stuff to two of my wife’s female best friends. Stuff that you don’t just talk about and forgive. Totally out of the blue and something I never thought he was capable of. I’d properly vouched for him as one of life’s nice guys who always did right by people. It hurt, to say the least.
And that was that. My two close friendships that I had sustained through my early adulthood, gone- in two very similar manners. I’d never been the kind of person that had loads and loads of friends but none of them would actually been there when it mattered- I had a small circle of friends and we all had each others back, we didn’t have to have regular meetings in order to maintain the friendship- whenever we met up, it would be as though no time had passed at all.
Also during this time, all the lived experiences of my time as a nurse came back to haunt me- like the trailing wake of a speeding boat slamming you from behind when you stop suddenly. Having “lost” two people I thought I knew so very well, vouched for them to other people and spoke so highly of them- I became very untrusting and wary of starting up friendships with other people, the intent of going on to become good friends an idea that I wrote off before even engaging. I felt as though I had too much on my plate to be able to cope with the idea of having genuinely good friendships with other people. I didn’t have the “bandwidth”, if you want to call it that, to try and start from scratch with friendships again. It almost sounds like dating, doesn’t it? It just felt as though if someone were to ask me “so, what do you do? What have you been up to?” everything that would leave my mouth after that moment would just be a verbal diarrhoea combination of: – Any or all the awful deaths and experiences I’d witnessed – Lol I spend so many of my evenings staring at the same spot on the wall in my lounge, I’m so random lol – I don’t really talk to people anymore I’m just putting one foot in front of the other – I have an amazing family and surroundings with absolutely nothing to be sad or ungrateful for but I still just feel overbearingly numb and disconnected from everything lol, what about you?
I’m doing fine, by the way. A lot has happened since those days and I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Just wanted to put that in there early as a bit of reassurance- not trying to use this as some sort of cliffhanger.
I wasn’t on social media. I became aware of the Mastodon project in the days when Elon Musk took over Twitter and in my discontent with the acquisition, I moved across to a Mastodon gaming instance. I then discovered some weirdo called Alex, who hosted a streaming channel on Twitch called “The Gamer’s Tavern” every week. I followed along, and never left. Eventually, having generated a bit of an online friendship with Alex and some other people within that same community, I became a mod alongside Jamie (known as EighthLayer at the time). Through this community, I met some people who I genuinely call friends to this day. Me and Jamie have met in person recently and been to a Linkin Park gig together, which was an odd feeling, but a good one- to meet someone for the first time but also have it feel like you’d known each other for ages and not struggle for conversation, whilst also not finding the silences uncomfortable was a feeling I’d missed, tbh. Myself & Alex & would (and still do) regularly play any mixture of games- being able to enjoy gameplay and chatting to each other about our lives is something I’d truly missed, and was a hole in a part of my life that needed filling. Same goes for Jamie and some of his own friends who have adopted me into their little friendship circle. Not only this, but we also often play as a whole group of us with others from The Tavern, too. I decided to finally go head first into an interest that had always bubbled away in the background unanswered in the form of sim racing & rallying by buying my first ever sim rig. Everyone has been hugely supportive and positive about the whole thing.
It’s nice, really, really nice.
I am of course slowly expanding my friendship circle again, having met a few through parent groups etc. But the connections I’ve made within The Gamers’ Tavern have meant so much more.
Without getting too much deeper into this, I’m trying to say that The Gamers’ Tavern community has been nothing short of amazing. Alex (who created and started the whole thing) has been absolutely awesome from the start- and as much as he will down right refuse to take any credit or have any spotlight on him, he has a big part to play in where we are right now with the Gamers’ Tavern. Recently, he has chosen to take a step back as the main figurehead of The Tavern (which we all fully understand and support), wanting to let The Gamers’ Tavern become community led and focused- which is exactly what has happened. In this past year, the community has grown even more and we’ve gained some even more absolutely wonderful people.
We round off the year seeing the back of The Gamers’ Tavern secret santa, where we all posted our Steam wish lists- under the caveat of there being zero expectation or obligation to participate. Boy oh boy, the generosity we saw has been nothing short of heart warming. Total strangers, internet strangers from all corners of the world have been gifting each other things. It’s not just materialistic either, it’s genuine- every one is interested in each other’s lives and wants to help in any way they can. We all check in with each other. We all share things with each other. It’s a safe space. We look out for each other.
I could go on and on about this, but I just want to finish off with saying this:
Cheers to The Gamers’ Tavern. You’re all awesome. And to those who haven’t visited or aren’t a part of it, you’re also awesome, and always welcome any time.
Here’s to 2026.
H
