Reader

Or; How I stopped worrying about copying Veronica Explains' homework

Recently, I bought a Framework 13 laptop. Something that I've said I'd write a blog post about but haven't yet. It's been a bit of a time over here. It's still coming though! But, back on topic, having my Framework laptop has rendered my Chromebook-turned-Linux machine fully obsolete, which also means it's a prime candidate to faff around with! I do love a fun little project, especially if it teaches me some new things.

I came across a video by Veronica Explains, a channel I really enjoy and the one that turned me onto the idea of making my Chromebook a Linux device in the first place. This time, she was talking about the concept of a WriterDeck, a device solely for the purpose of writing. She talks about the benefits of having single-purpose devices as a way to keep distractions at bay. The idea of single-purpose devices interests me greatly as of late. It's the entire reason why I bought a record player, for example. Having a bit more intentionality in your life really helps you appreciate the activity at hand all the more, instead of using your “Do Everything-inator” to do everyting all at once and not pay attention to anything fully.

To explain a bit further what's driving this WriterDeck (that I'm typing on right now!), let me break it down:

• Debian Trixie (headless, no GUIs here!)
• tmux (so I don't have to miss my hyprland tiling too much)
• syncthing (to automatically copy over my files to my main pc so I can publish easier)
• kmscon (to have a prettier terminal, with custom fonts and resizing text)
• some additional helper programs
• and finally, neovim with Markdown support

The neovim part honestly worried me the most, and I really could've just gone with nano, since I've used that since forever and neovim seems... opinionated. But, like I said, I wanted to test and teach myself a bit so why the heck not. Plus, the markdown support helps with previewing my blog post right from neovim!

Installing a headless Debian was no trouble at all. I downloaded the smaller .iso file from the Debian site, loaded it on my Ventoy USB stick and I was off to the races. Ventoy is great by the way. Instead of formatting an entire stick for one single installation, you just load all the .iso's you want on there (as long as they're under 4gb due to FAT32 constraints) and load up the one you want from the Ventoy boot menu. It's been really nice since I have a bunch of devices that all run their own distros, plus I need CloneZilla for work.

Grabbing tmux, syncthing and neovim was easy enough, but grabbing kmscon was a bit of a pain for a minute. Following Veronica's work, I added trixie-backports to my apt sources list, but it refused to grab the required dependencies. I went down a small rabbit hole of compiling the dependencies from source and got no-where, until I stumbled across the solution that, to grab the right version of kmscon and its dependencies, I needed to specify trixie-backports as the target to download from. New knowledge unlocked already, huzzah.

To configure tmux, I stumbled across a blog post on hamvocke.com that had some nice thoughts on how to configure some keybinds. Like using | for a horizontal split and – for a vertical split. As per Veronica's advice, I also installed light (to manage brightness) and acpi (to monitor battery). The tmux bar is now at the top and shows both the current time and the remaining battery in percentages. To make my ex-Chromebook play nice, I also needed to download a script by WeirdTreeThing to add keybinds for the Chromebook-exclusive function buttons up top. Good thing I don't need to run audio on this laptop anymore, because the same author wrote a script to enable audio across most Linuxified Chromebooks, but for some reason it stopped working properly on my particular model. Oh, and because I want my battery to last, I made sure to install the power-profiles-daemon so I could set it to power-saver mode. Gotta make use of that amazing Chromebook battery life, after all.

Kmscon is pretty rad, too. Resizing text in your terminal is essential, if only to reduce eyestrain. And having a pretty font is always nice. I can see why Veronica enjoys Iosevka, though I might fiddle with other fonts later. One thing I did notice is that resizing text can introduce artifacts. For example, the underscore fully disappeared on me until I resized my text one notch up or down. Some italicized text also intermittently and randomly lost some letters. Further investigation on why that happens is needed. Most likely a combination of the resizing and the font, perhaps even the rendering engine kmscon uses.

Now, Neovim. After using it for a hot minute and going through the included Tutor program (:Tutor), I get it. It makes sense to have your navigation keys right there on the home row, even though I still instinctively use the arrow keys. Replacing words and letters is easy when you're reviewing your work later on, and it's a no brainer to use it as an IDE, especially on a terminal-only system. With Veronica's vimwiki blog post as a guide, I set-up neovim in such a way that it supports Markdown syntax and immediately shows the results. Nano could never. In fact, a cursory web search pretty much confirmed neovim is the only one that does more than just view .md files, but edit them with visual support as well. Sure, I could still use nano, but as long as I don't have the syntax down by memory, the visual aid is very welcome, indeed.

Finally, Syncthing. To my surprise, that was actually more annoying to setup via CLI than I expected. Announcing my WriterDeck to my existing setup required me to type out the entire ID of my main pc by hand, and for folder sharing I had to randomize a folder ID with sha1sum to even begin sending it over to my rig. BUT! I have it working, and as soon as I save this file, it'll be over there in a flash, ready for me to publish. I love that syncthing can just live on my systems and manage the file transfer for me. There's a ton of ways to do it of course, but now that I've set it up, it requires no input from me aside from remembering to boot it up when I need it.

And that's where I do have more to learn when it comes to Linux. Kmscon boots at launch for example, but tmux doesn't. I've tried to edit my .bashrc file to add it to boot, following this blog post by Veronica but it didn't take, so now I'm stumped. I would also want to add syncthing to launch at boot, or at the very least run in such a way that it doesn't hijacking an entire terminal window. I know it's possible, but I can't remember how. Neovim is definitely going to take more getting used to, and I wanna rice my tmux and vim a bit more to make it my own. Right now I'm using the retrobox color scheme in neovim, which admittedly is very pretty, but the terminal is still stock.

Finally, I did also went and installed a web browser, just because I can. I tried both w3m and browsh. Now, browsh in particular is really freaking neat, since it actually renders entire webpages, images and all! Well, within the confines of terminal graphics of course. However, most websites I tried were still too “advanced” for even browsh, especially because they have those big honking cookie popups that are hellish to click away from using a TUI browser. I'll have to look at sites that actually work well and learn the browser a bit better. And maybe I'll install a tui game or two... nethack or something. maybe that version of doom that renders directly into the framebuffer. Oh, right... The WriterDeck was supposed to be a distraction free device... but what if...!

See you next blog. :wq

Note: I have avoided spoilers as much as possible, if I have left some in, please let me know!

Having toyed with the idea of a new MMORPG to play, rather than just be tied to Zenimax’s Elder Scrolls Online (ESO) and other various reasons, I finally, after chatting with Wuufu from the Hachyderm.io Mastodon server, went into the PlayStation store and reviewed my options. Being presented with five options was confusing enough, was Standard the right one, should I opt for the Seraph Starter Edition? I knew that starting off with Heroic and Mythical was not the way forward for someone testing the water, then the demo version caught my eye. Perfect, I thought, I’m still likely to buy the game, but on the off chance it doesn’t feel right, then this is a good option.

So I waited for the sizeable download to complete, this was late in the evening, so I resisted the urge to jump straight in and the next morning, started my first character – Thaemina, the Sea Witch, as close to my Bosmer Arcanist as I could manage, but this time I was hoping to head out to sea.

And I was off, failing dismally at combat through the opening tutorial as this is very different to ESO, I haven’t yet figured out if I can make some of the text larger, as for the displayed button combos for attacks would be much easier to read before I start pressing and hoping for the best (after a week I think I had the two base attack buttons down). I am still working on the ESO tactic of it gets too much, run away, take some potions, then head back!

Eventually Thaemina woke in present day, and then the real task of learning the interface began, oh boy! So many options (read as too many options) for harvesting, processing, crafting – yikes! This is going to take a while for me to get my head around the different menus, what goes on what method of quick access, how to access the wheel menus correctly. I worked out that there were various rewards, rather than presented on screen at log in, or directly when you level up, they are off in a menu, but some of these can come in handy. This did result in my usual RPG problem showing its face (mini game), inventory management, I just can’t seem to keep it under control, and then led to my discovery of the storage system, and another issue, remembering what is stored where and how to get to it if I am half a continent away?

After attempting to follow the main quest line for a while, I started playing with the conversation option, something I recognised, memories of playing Bethesda’s Elder Scrolls III Oblivion came flooding back, this I can handle, well as long as I can remember which order I put everyone in... Still figuring out what is required for each attempt, again I need to tinker with text size where possible.

A week in and I had progressed from the Western Guard Camp to Velia, decided that once I figured out how to buy a house, it would probably be here, with good access to the sea, and then moved onto Heidel. Much too fancy for a Sea Witch, but some interesting characters (and one who is on my hit list, I do hope they turn into a boss fight as I am looking forward to taking them down). Popped back to Velia to buy a house, got lost on how to even begin with furnishing, but there is plenty of time for that. Decided to try for some side quests, failed dismally when it came to some lost cats, just can’t seem to trigger the quest! Went for a ride along the north coast of Balenos, had cause to use the “escape” option, oh my word do I need this in ESO for when I go exploring and end up clambering down steep cliffs and then end up stuck and the game thinks your falling so unable to fast travel.

My thoughts after a week are:

• Yes it is gorgeous;
• The story line gets a bit weird sometimes but is okay, reading between the lines and using imagination helps; and
• It sometimes a bit jumpy/buggy, but then so is ESO and also anything built by Bethesda (not a fan girl per say, but I have serious hours and characters in ESO and Skyrim).

Merge Black Desert and ESO together, and I think you would have the perfect MMORPG.

Was I going to buy the full version once the demo period had ended? Yes, but this is where things get complicated, as the PlayStation Store decided I already had the version of the game, so I was unable to spend real money to continue playing. Cautiously chatted with PlayStation’s AI support chat, and to be fair it didn’t do too badly, and after a short while it decided that I need to chat to a human. This happened later in the day, case logged and then off to wait.

It took a couple of days, but received an initial answer back, their suggestion raised a question over whether I would still be able to access the character I had already created once the “fix” was carried out. This caused them to look at it again, and identify that this may not work and I still might not be able to purchase the game. A second option was given, which I will be trying out. But more searching online since has identified that Pearl Abyss is aware of an issue (11 March 2026), and is investigating this with PlayStation. This may mean that I am not alone and that a resolution wont be too far in the future.

For the time being it is back to Terraria as I was already on an ESO break, and read up more on how to get Thaemina ready for sailing and trading.

#Gaming #BlackDesert

I'm gonna complain for a minute. Spoilers for Shadow of the Tomb Raider's “Eye of the Serpent” mission.

So, I'm currently playing Shadow of the Tomb Raider on the highest difficulty level: Deadly Obsession. I'm doing this because I'm experimenting with friction in games. I'm still thinking about how I'm gonna tackle this topic, either with a blog post or a video, but I have thoughts about friction in games.

Modern (action) games are in it more for the spectacle than for actual challenge and for this reason, I've been playing the entire new Tomb Raider trilogy on their highest difficulty. Interestingly enough, the first one was still fairly straightforward, the second got a bit more challenging but this third one is giving me exactly the challenge I wanted. All three games have made it so you can only save at the campfires, completely removing checkpointing and manual saves. You die, and you get sent back to your last campfire save. This reminds me of the save crystals in the older Tomb Raiders games, specifically on PSX where you couldn't save manually. Shadow adds to this difficulty by taking away Lara's innate “detective vision” ability, where she can look through walls and spot enemies and this like. This makes enemy encounters a lot more tense, and I love that. They're challenges to overcome, and it's making me feel a lot more connected to the game. There's an item that gives you that sight back for a moment, but it's a consumable so I feel like that's a fair tradeoff.

Now, here's the thing. Shadow has been a bit rough around the edges with the placement of these campfires. I noticed it right at the start of the game, where you're thrown into a linear obstacle course with insta-death traps that went on for just a tad too long. I got worried there for a minute, but later segments weren't as grueling so I forgot about it.

But that's when the Eye of the Serpent came along.

This is another linear path, not only extremely long but also constantly broken up pace-wise. The trip towards the campfire wasn't that bad but it's what comes after that really grinded my gears. It took me maybe 15 attempts over 3 days to finally get on the other end of it.

Let me explain what happens. Just so I can get it out of my system.

You start at the campfire with your newly acquired shotgun and blast open a flimsy door. You then get one of those squeeze-through-narrow-opening animations that devs use to hide loading times. You know the ones, PS4 era games were horny for them. Then, there's a long crouching sequence. Slow, plodding, tension raising, that ends in a jump scare. Boo! you fall through the floor and fight a horde of animalistic natives. On this difficulty they can get you with just a few hits so there's no margin for error. Then, another crawling sequence followed by solving a waterwheel puzzle. Dive underwater to clear some debris, then spin the wheel and swim through. More walking, prevent getting skewered or shanked by a native, then a nasty jump and swing over spike pits. Better not die here, or get caught off-guard by Shadow's occasional unwillingness to get the jumping right, or you're roasting marshmallows.

Then we rappel down a hole and get a lengthy cutscene that gives us a birds-eye view of a lengthy environment puzzle. We move two more waterwheels but this time we need to move water-gargoyle-y poles to the correct position. Takes a while, but ok. After getting the first wheel turning you get another ambush, which thankfully can be skipped by jumping into the water and swimming to the second objective. Then we move more water gargoyle poles but this time we get occasionally interrupted by combat. I died here a couple of times because this one can't be skipped and they just kept coming out of the woodwork.

Then, a lengthy cutscene starts. Unskippable. Lara finds the place she's looking for, but her precious macguffin isn't where it should've been. A tremor goes through the hidden city, the natives get even more enraged and you start one of those spectacle running sequences. This one isn't too bad, but you need to be on your shit at all times, and occasionally wonder why this time you did get hit by their claws and arrows while the other 8 times you were here, you didn't. You must be getting sloppy but fucked if you could tell in what way! Ok, then, swimming. Thank god there isn't any Piranha stealth here.

yes piranha stealth did I stutter?!

This is an occasional mechanic where Lara has to hide in the tall weeds underwater while patrolling Piranha's do their rounds. If they see you, they swarm and kill you. Tough shit. Let's not dive into the fact that Piranha's only eat sick and easy prey but ok. No Piranha Stealth here. We move on. Swim swim swim, climb climb climb until we reach an overhang we can't climb on, since Lara can't hang that way yet. Luckily, just ahead, just after we do another squeeze through narrow opening thingies, we find a deserted campsite where a soldier got killed by a rockslide. We take his climbing gear so we can get past that overhang. Now if you thought “hey, campsite must mean campfire, we get a checkpoint here!” I'm here to dash your dreams against the rocks because NOPE. No campfire. This would've been the perfect spot but NAH.

Fine. So we climb up, now passing the previously inaccessible point and towards a terrifying jump that I always feel like it'll go wrong, but never did. Lara is hanging upside down and makes a leap of faith towards the ground and she lands just on the edge of the cliff for me, every single time. (which the video JUST NOW gave me the idea to rappel down first before jumping...:ALSDKFJS:LDFKJ:LSDKJF OK FINE THAT ONE IS ON ME.)

We climb up some more towards the biggest, most assholeish jump i've encountered in this game so far. It's a leap of faith where Lara has to throw her rappel axe into the cliff ahead so she can climb up. Problem is that the timing on this jump is mean as hell. It's so easy to throw the axe too early, making her overshoot and fall to her death. I had to look up a video after dying here the fifth time to make sure I didn't forget a mechanic. Turns out I had to throw the rappel axe later than my instincts told me. Even people on easy complain about this jump it seems, and they'd have the benefit of generous saving and checkpointing. Finally after that harrowing ordeal (which I'm positive has claimed a year off of my remaining actual life), I climb up and find another body of water to swan dive into. I'm so close to the end, I can feel it, I see the light at the end of the tunnel, so close...

SURPRISE! PIRANHA STEALTH!

I got mercilessly shredded to pieces the first time I got here after dying for like the 12th time. If I had been playing this when it came out in 2018, I would've been buying a new controller and/or monitor at this point.

The second time I got to this point (after dying s'more on segments that I thought I had handled at this point) I found an alternate route that took me past the patrolling piranha's without any hassle and then finally, FINALLY, the end of the water segment unceremoniously spits me out into the village that serves as a hub. Empty handed. No progress made in Lara's quest. I've posted a video under this post so you can see what that entire segment entails. Now imagine you die constantly and every time you do you end up having to redo all the challenges and pick up all the side content again and again, if you're a completionist. My god.

As I write this I am utterly deflated and I had to get this off of my chest. I honestly love Shadow of the Tomb Raider and how it handles its highest difficulty, save for segments like these that just feel like they didn't have a big priority on the list of things to be tested on this difficulty before shipping. Which is a crying shame, because I think the game shines on this difficulty, otherwise.

I'm going to bed. Probably gonna dream about the unskippable dialog and the freaking stealth piranha's. ugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyAWG98j7A8&t=1008s

Another test! That is all.

Yawn Good >insert timezone< friends. It's early-ish in the morning for me as I sit down to write this blog, the sounds of the Guilty Gear X soundtrack blasting through my headset, casually sipping coffee in between. It's a a good day. I need to listen to that soundtrack more...there's some real bangers throughout the entire series of games. Does it make sense to call something your favorite fighting game franchise solely based on the music?

yes. I've just ruled that it does.

Speaking of favorites, I once got so hung up on the question of “what's your favorite game” that I made an entire presentation outlining my favorite games based on genre. It was, like, almost 40 slides long. I made it in 2018, so I think it's time to revisit that... Are you interested? Toot @ me https://gamerstavern.online/@sunie

I find this preamble ramble quite useful to get to actually writing the post I've set out to do. I'll try to keep it brief but it helps to rev up the proverbial engine. Make sense?

Alright! So! At the start of the month I've set a challenge for myself, and that was to beat four games in February. I am stoked to tell you I have succeeded, and I'm here to tell you about what I've played and give y'all some mini-reviews.

En Garde!

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★★★☆☆ En Garde! has been on my backlog for a while now. You play as Adalia de Volador, a daring swashbuckler that stands up against a tyrannical count-duke that terrorizes her town with ridiculous laws and taxes. It's a humorous game for sure, and the bright and colorful graphics were a joy to look at.

The game couples flashy swordplay mechanics with environmental interaction, making every encounter a sweet little sandbox of mayhem and comedy. Enemy on top of a flight of stairs? Kick him! Surrounded? Pick up a roast chicken off of the table and cover one's head while kicking the table towards the rest. A loaded cannon aimed at unsuspecting guards? You already know what to do.

I've definitely enjoyed my time with the game, but it wasn't without its frustrations. Due to the game's short length of about four hours, it wastes no time throwing pretty much every mechanic at you from the start, so by the time you've reached the fourth and final level there aren't much surprises left. The enemies are also quite relentless and constantly had me on the back foot, running away from them and towards a single use stage gimmick to take one or two out at a time. See, you can only directly cross blades with one enemy. If you get surrounded, you can't “Arkham” or “Assassin's Creed” your way by countering every blow that comes at you. You're forced to roll away and split up the enemies to thin out their numbers. I felt less like a cool and competent swordfighter and more like Kevin from Home Alone, luring enemies into my traps and generally feeling overwhelmed. This could very well be a me thing! I like a challenge, but this one didn't click with me.

Now, the saving grace here is that this game was originally a student project that got blown up into something bigger. I have a weakness for these kinds of projects, and there is so much heart in this that I can't be mad at the things I disliked. On the other side of that coin, I'm disinterested into going back into the challenge levels or 100%ing the game for the same reasons.

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Dispatch

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★★★★★

The second game was Dispatch and boy oh boy this one has my name written all over it. I've always loved interactive fiction games. Games like Dragon's Lair, Space Ace and later games like The Walking Dead and The Wolf Among Us are just 100% my shit.

The game is set in a world of superheroes and supervillains. We follow Robert, whose Iron Man-esque suit got destroyed during an encounter with his nemesis. But just as his career as Mecha Man seems over and done with, he gets a job offer from SDN, the Superhero Dispatch Network. There, he is faced with dispatching a ragtag group of low tier ex-villains that want to redeem themselves and become heroes.

Now, your choices matter in this game so it wouldn't do for me to divulge more of the story. In the typical style of Telltale's The Walking Dead (AdHoc Studios is made up of ex TT-devs), the flow of the story is dictated by your actions and even though some events are set in stone, the context that you create brings a personal touch to the proceedings.

There's more than just watching Dispatch and occasionally making a choice though. There's a few Quicktime Events if Robert ends up fighting (which can be disabled if you don't like them) but the meat of the gameplay is the actual Dispatching. You send out the members of your team to all sorts of tasks, from rescuing cats out of trees to stopping an international supervillain. How WELL they do is based on their stats, which you get to increase when they rank up. Reading the task and sussing out what kind of skills are needed is how you do well in these moments, and there's even a (quite original) hacking minigame to break up the action.

The tone of Dispatch definitely leans more towards “Invincible” rather than most of Marvel's output. There's mature dialog, risque situations and the game doesn't shy away from nudity. The squeamish (or the folks that are scared of videos getting demonetized) can opt to censor that stuff, though leaving it on creates a very solid and mature identity overall that doesn't go too over the top.

I definitely recommend experiencing this game any way you can, either by playing it yourself or by tooting at me to stream it so you can just watch it like a Saturday morning cartoon. I wouldn't mind playing this again.

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Beyond Shadowgate

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★★★★☆

I absolutely adore the original Shadowgate, specifically the NES version. The music, atmosphere and writing make for a unique package. Death lurks around every corner but it's so hilariously abrupt at times (and not very punishing) that you almost WANT to find all the ways you can end your life.

...gosh the things people say that only work in the context of video games, huh?

Anyway, Beyond Shadowgate is based on the original draft of the sequel, that got thrown out in favor of whatever ended up hitting the Turbografx-CD. It's helmed by the original developers, and it shows. This game retains the tone, aesthetic and unrelenting murderous attitude of the NES original, and I love it for it.

You are Del the Fenling, who gets roped into saving the kingdom from the evil influences that have been hanging over it since the events that transpired 35 years ago (OG Shadowgate). The gameplay consists of using a classic point & click verb-based interface to navigate. Use key on door, examine statue, hit jester, that sort of thing. It was lovely to just hang back in my chair, clicking on everything that looked interesting. Felt nostalgic.

Two things that kinda rubbed me the wrong way, one of which is 100% on me. First, I admit to grabbing a walkthrough here and there, because as it turns out I am woefully out of shape when it comes to these kinds of games. I have unlearned the skills of pixel hunting, hint parsing and straight up “trying everything until it works” that I used to have back when adventure games were basically all I played. It's very retro in that aspect, and I have been spoiled by modern games. It's not a knock against the game, rather my own learned laziness.

Second, and this is a bit of a spoiler, there are segments of the game that teleport Del to the worlds of Deja Vu and Uninvited, as a nostalgia play to ICOMs other works on the NES. This bugged me to no end. I've never played these and it took me out of a world that I enjoy. The Steam page calls these segments side quests, but I object. If they are mandatory parts of the main progression of the game there's nothing 'side' about them. I am gritting my teeth to not go off on a tangent on how Kickstarter incentives and rewards can muddle the final product. Maybe for another blog. There are so many actual Shadowgate games, couldn't they have just... ugh.

Aside from these things, Beyond Shadowgate is fantastic, a real treat and a real bastard. I recommend it to anyone yearning for an old-school adventure game.

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Now, originally, the last game on the dock was Anno: Mutationem, but I ended up dropping it. This blog post is getting long in the tooth so I'll keep it brief:

The beauty of this game is skin deep. Underneath the lovely graphics and atmosphere lies a buggy game, with serviceable yet boring combat and nonsensical plot riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. I got about halfway until I couldn't bring myself to continue anymore. So instead, I pivoted to:

Fear the Spotlight

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★★★★★

Horror games have been a staple for me ever since the first Alone in the Dark. Fear the Spotlight can easily slot itself between the greats of the PSX era.

The game contains two chapters, each following one of the two main characters, Vivian and Amy. The girls break into the school late at night to play around with the Ouija board, to summon spirits that were linked to a horrible fire that destroyed the school and its reputation years prior. Of course this summoning goes horribly wrong and the two get entangled into that horrific past, all while being haunted by ghosts and a monster with a big spotlight for a head.

The game reminded me of the aesthetics of Silent Hill 1 on PSX, and it didn't take long for me to get sucked in. The low fidelity graphics have a way to set your mind on edge. Was that something moving in the darkness, or was it just one of those wobbly polygons? The low visibility, much like Silent Hill's fog, really keeps you in suspense. Aside from that, the game focuses on stealth, completely ignoring combat. It's a recipe for constant unease. The game knows how to ride that rollercoaster of suspense and not rely on cheap tactics like jump scares and blatant gore to get your heart rate up.

The story is well written and executed, slowly unraveling the events that lead up to the horrific fire that cost a ton of students their lives. The game isn't particularly long, but uses its time well to build everything up to their tragic conclusions, while keeping up the tense and gripping atmosphere emblematic of a good horror game.

It's a perfect example of how limitations set upon the developers leverage the final result. I can't recommend this game enough, especially if it's on sale.

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And that's it! wow! This blog post was an absolute beast to write. If you ended up reading it all, kudos to you. I don't blame you if you found it a bit too much of a wall of text. It's no longer morning as I wrap this up. If you want to chat with me some more about this post, please toot https://gamerstavern.online/@sunie. Also, I started streaming on Peertube! the first archive is up here

Thanks for reading! See you soonie!

test test test

test test test

ALRIGHT. Here we go. What am I doing here? Where am I.

Ah. Yes. OK Sunie, focus.

I've been having a HELL of a time getting all of my hobbies, pursuits and ambitions in a row. It's something I've always struggled with but it's gotten worse by the year. Mainly because lately I've regained the drive to actually do cool things. I've had some, shall we say, huge mental roadblocks in the past that made pursuing anything a useless thought. But here I am now, thinking about cool shit I could be doing.

I could be:

• writing more blogs (oh, hey, hi.)
• working on my game design ideas
• making videos on PeerTube
• Livestreaming

But the old familiar hammer of “who in the absolute buggery would even care” hits me square in the jaw again. So, here's me, trying to break through :that thought and publishing something off the cuff. Have you noticed the title is actually about the event of finishing 4 games in February and not about the struggles of doing anything creative?

I find my own lack of focus disturbing, too.

But, alright, let's get back to Four in February, someting that semaj@social.lol has introduced me to in one of his blogs. It's basically finishing four games in your backlog during the month of February. So now I'm looking at my Steam library, at a backlog that is 139 games long (I have way more games but these are the ones I've selected to have priority), trying to pick four.

Which is actually why I'm writing this blog post, cause hopefully by typing out this stream of consciousness I might stumble upon the four I want.

I could cheat and say I've already finished my first game of the month:

However, since I started that in January and finished my second playthrough for a different ending just now, I feel that's cheating. I want to start and end it in this month. A fine game by the way, Silent Hill f. A bit different than the previous entries in the series, with a larger focus on combat, but I did enjoy it very much. Hinako's exploration of gender identity, roles and expectations hit home for me. But that's perhaps a blog for another day.

I just got En Garde! recommended to me, so that's going on the list. And as I'm filling in this fancy backlog list over on QuestLog.app I suppose I could put ANNO: Mutationem on there as well. And alright, why not Beyond: Shadowgate? I really loved the NES version of the first game. it was so tense and atmospheric, and a real asshole of a game. And finally, Dispatch. OK! GOOD. DONE AND DUSTED.

Now... which one to start first...

A review thingy by Sunie

❤️❤️❤️❤️🖤

A popular drink in the Netherlands, Rivella, has a peculiar tagline that can be freely translated to “A little bit weird, but still tasty”. Having played Parasite Eve on PSX for the #videogameclub on Mastodon, I can safely say that applies to Squaresoft's 1998 title as well!

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What if your mitochondria (yes yes, the powerhouse of the cell, sit down...) have a will of their own? This is what author Hideaki Sena took as a basis for the original Parasite Eve novel. Mitochondria, being multi-celled organisms, are portrayed as being fed up with serving mankind and seek to evolve beyond humanity. They possess the power to mutate their host and manipulate the mitochondria in others, causing people to (among other things) spontaneously combust. It's portrayed as similar to how parasites can manipulate a host, and having that apply to humans takes actual science to a horrific extreme. The game picks up after the events of the original novel, which is only tangentially referenced in its backstory.

When rookie cop Aya Brea takes her date to the opera, she's witness to a new breakout of the rogue Mitochondria depicted in the source material. The diva on stage, upon starting her solo, sets her co-stars and the audience on fire. Aya is entirely unharmed as her nascent cop instincts kick in, training her gun on the entity now naming itself 'Eve'. The mystery only grows further as Aya develops powers of her own as the mutated New York fauna bar her quest to take down Eve and save humanity from going the path of the Neanderthal.

The story is on a real rollercoaster ride from the word 'go' and provides a brisk but engaging narrative over six chapters spanning ten-ish hours. What stood out to me is that the game's supporting cast is surprisingly fleshed out despite the fairly spartan exposition they all get. Daniel, Aya's partner on the force, stands out in particular. Where Aya's narrative provides the mystery (where does Eve come from, why is she connected to Aya, etc.) Daniel humanizes the stakes as he tries to protect his wife and son from Eve's purge. Even the other cast members shine through strong characterizations that aren't bogged down by over-exposition or long-winded dialog and managed to all stick in my mind after the credits had rolled.

It should come as no surprise that a game about mutation and evolution tries to apply those same principles to its gameplay. Parasite Eve marries tried and true JRPG mechanics with a dash of Survival Horror. I can't say the two have mutated into a true evolution of their respective genres, but the experiment was certainly successful enough for some of its ideas to survive. Firstly, the Survival Horror aspect, which I feel comes most in play in its presentation. Not that Squaresoft is any stranger to polygonal characters on prerendered backgrounds, but there's something about its camera angles, atmosphere and the hideously deformed monsters that's giving more Jill Valentine than Tifa Lockhart. The FMV cutscenes that grotesquely portray the flash mutation of common animals are memorable in both art and sound design, full of fleshy squelches as limbs rip and tear into distorted positions. Fans of body horror will find plenty to shudder uncomfortably at here.

The JRPG side of things flaunts its stats-driven nature. Aya improves with every level, allowing the player to sink bonus points into certain stats as well as equipment, which can be further improved by feeding bonuses and traits into your favorite piece of kit. Combat is real-time with pause, where attacks project a sphere of influence akin to what we'd later see in Vagrant Story. Everything inside the sphere takes full damage from Aya's weapons, whereas outside the damage is drastically reduced. Positioning, therefore, is of the utmost importance. The weapon mod system shines, allowing the player to mold their own ultimate equipment based on their own playstyle rather than railroading you into one specific final weapon. The aspects where the two sides meet end up oddly mutated. The limited inventory that adds tension in a survival horror game is downplayed by the ability to increase it by putting extra points into it, as well as allowing a stack of over 1000 bullets that work across nearly all weapons. Most of Aya's stats increase rigidly, each gaining a point with every level without giving the player any say in the matter, to the point where one wonders why they bother displaying those stats at all. A lot of Parasite Eve's systems end up feeling vestigial, a relic of either genre that struggles to fit its new form.

All that said, I do genuinely feel that those criticisms only truly surface when you try to shove the game into one box or the other. As soon as you take Parasite Eve for what it is, rather than what you expect from it, the game comfortably nestles into doing its own thing. So much so that it's honestly a shame that Parasite Eve 2 leaned even more into survival horror and 3rd Birthday did...whatever 3rd Birthday ended up doing. We never did get to see Parasite Eve's Ultimate Form, which is a shame. It makes me wonder if the game's design fell victim to being a hybrid of two of the era's most popular genres, and that neither marketing, nor the games media, nor the fans truly understood what it was trying to do. Of course the game has its core audience that can appreciate it for what it is, something I can call myself a part of now.

Parasite Eve is something special, and it's definitely a fun ride. Shame we never saw it fully mature.

My Story

I’ve sat on this one for a few weeks to be honest, but off the back of seeing our Gamer’s Tavern community come together in such a lovely and heart warming way over the last few weeks (be it looking out for each other in tough times, being super generous and gifting each other steam games from each other’s wish list for secret santa, etc) I felt compelled to reflect and write on my story as to how I ended up here- and crucially, why it couldn’t have come at a better time. I was at what could have been a pretty low point in my life.

Let’s go back a few years, to before I became a part of The Tavern. I’d been working as an A&E nurse (or Emergency Room for you overseas folk) and somewhere between end of 2021 and mid 2022, I left this job after 8 years of being there. I’d experienced a fair amount of tough, hollowing experiences in my time there, but of course the COVID era was…the final nail in the coffin to say the least. To sum it up in just a few words, I can only describe it as just a conveyor belt of bodies. Anyway, my point being- I was coming out of that job in somewhat of a shell shocked state to say the least.

I had two friends that I really counted on during these times. One of which I’d never met before, who I’d met online through the game Payday 2 mid way through my uni degree (age 21). We used to play games almost every day together (although in later years this became less frequent due to work, but none the less, at least once or twice a week we’d have a good long gaming session) and racked up hours and hours playing various coop games together- we were a great duo. We knew each other very well and shared all our highs and lows. The other, I’d known since the age of 16 where we met at an athletics club and became very, very good friends over the years. I guess you could call us “wingmen”. He would go on to be the best man at my wedding.

Fast forward back to the later years of 2022 & 2023, both of these friendships came crashing down. My online friend had been displaying small little worrying behaviours and traits over the course of a year whereby he became incredibly misogynistic and hateful towards women- which ended with him sending a full on one way incel rant to me in messages followed by completing cutting me off of any communication with him. That was that, poof. Gone- almost 12 years of close friendship down the drain with no chance to talk or discuss.

Then, after my wife and I got married and we were in the last month or so of pregnancy awaiting the arrival of our daughter, my other best mate (also having started to show a very different side to him since our wedding) did some pretty unforgivable stuff to two of my wife’s female best friends. Stuff that you don’t just talk about and forgive. Totally out of the blue and something I never thought he was capable of. I’d properly vouched for him as one of life’s nice guys who always did right by people. It hurt, to say the least.

And that was that. My two close friendships that I had sustained through my early adulthood, gone- in two very similar manners. I’d never been the kind of person that had loads and loads of friends but none of them would actually been there when it mattered- I had a small circle of friends and we all had each others back, we didn’t have to have regular meetings in order to maintain the friendship- whenever we met up, it would be as though no time had passed at all.

Also during this time, all the lived experiences of my time as a nurse came back to haunt me- like the trailing wake of a speeding boat slamming you from behind when you stop suddenly. Having “lost” two people I thought I knew so very well, vouched for them to other people and spoke so highly of them- I became very untrusting and wary of starting up friendships with other people, the intent of going on to become good friends an idea that I wrote off before even engaging. I felt as though I had too much on my plate to be able to cope with the idea of having genuinely good friendships with other people. I didn’t have the “bandwidth”, if you want to call it that, to try and start from scratch with friendships again. It almost sounds like dating, doesn’t it? It just felt as though if someone were to ask me “so, what do you do? What have you been up to?” everything that would leave my mouth after that moment would just be a verbal diarrhoea combination of: – Any or all the awful deaths and experiences I’d witnessed – Lol I spend so many of my evenings staring at the same spot on the wall in my lounge, I’m so random lol – I don’t really talk to people anymore I’m just putting one foot in front of the other – I have an amazing family and surroundings with absolutely nothing to be sad or ungrateful for but I still just feel overbearingly numb and disconnected from everything lol, what about you?

I’m doing fine, by the way. A lot has happened since those days and I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Just wanted to put that in there early as a bit of reassurance- not trying to use this as some sort of cliffhanger.

I wasn’t on social media. I became aware of the Mastodon project in the days when Elon Musk took over Twitter and in my discontent with the acquisition, I moved across to a Mastodon gaming instance. I then discovered some weirdo called Alex, who hosted a streaming channel on Twitch called “The Gamer’s Tavern” every week. I followed along, and never left. Eventually, having generated a bit of an online friendship with Alex and some other people within that same community, I became a mod alongside Jamie (known as EighthLayer at the time). Through this community, I met some people who I genuinely call friends to this day. Me and Jamie have met in person recently and been to a Linkin Park gig together, which was an odd feeling, but a good one- to meet someone for the first time but also have it feel like you’d known each other for ages and not struggle for conversation, whilst also not finding the silences uncomfortable was a feeling I’d missed, tbh. Myself & Alex & would (and still do) regularly play any mixture of games- being able to enjoy gameplay and chatting to each other about our lives is something I’d truly missed, and was a hole in a part of my life that needed filling. Same goes for Jamie and some of his own friends who have adopted me into their little friendship circle. Not only this, but we also often play as a whole group of us with others from The Tavern, too. I decided to finally go head first into an interest that had always bubbled away in the background unanswered in the form of sim racing & rallying by buying my first ever sim rig. Everyone has been hugely supportive and positive about the whole thing.

It’s nice, really, really nice.

I am of course slowly expanding my friendship circle again, having met a few through parent groups etc. But the connections I’ve made within The Gamers’ Tavern have meant so much more.

Without getting too much deeper into this, I’m trying to say that The Gamers’ Tavern community has been nothing short of amazing. Alex (who created and started the whole thing) has been absolutely awesome from the start- and as much as he will down right refuse to take any credit or have any spotlight on him, he has a big part to play in where we are right now with the Gamers’ Tavern. Recently, he has chosen to take a step back as the main figurehead of The Tavern (which we all fully understand and support), wanting to let The Gamers’ Tavern become community led and focused- which is exactly what has happened. In this past year, the community has grown even more and we’ve gained some even more absolutely wonderful people.

We round off the year seeing the back of The Gamers’ Tavern secret santa, where we all posted our Steam wish lists- under the caveat of there being zero expectation or obligation to participate. Boy oh boy, the generosity we saw has been nothing short of heart warming. Total strangers, internet strangers from all corners of the world have been gifting each other things. It’s not just materialistic either, it’s genuine- every one is interested in each other’s lives and wants to help in any way they can. We all check in with each other. We all share things with each other. It’s a safe space. We look out for each other.

I could go on and on about this, but I just want to finish off with saying this:

Cheers to The Gamers’ Tavern. You’re all awesome. And to those who haven’t visited or aren’t a part of it, you’re also awesome, and always welcome any time.

Here’s to 2026.

The third volume chronicles our Khajiit's departure from her home and the beginning of a new life.

Tales of a Quite Peculiar Cat – Volume III

By Rubyn Frey

As Ji’sari grew, so did her tendency to be where she should not, her eavesdropping giving her access to information that the lower class Khajiit could never dream of knowing. This led to a deepening distrust of the ruling Khajiit and the Altmeri who kept them in their positions for their own benefit.

Her friends tolerated her antics as quite often she would obtain wine from the warehouse without their parents knowledge, and they would sit just outside of the city walls until late into the night, telling stories, playing jokes on each other and on rare occasions, impersonating various dignitaries who had visited.

~——————————~

On a warm night during Last Seed, the group were again sharing some bottles of spiced wine in the desert, Ji’sari weaving a tale of deception and deceit surrounding some visiting nobles, no one was sure if there was any real truth in the tale, but Ji’sari kept them enthralled, playing each part perfectly.

Balancing on a point of rock looming over their campfire, Ji’sari proposed that the Alfiq in her tale had produced a flame from their paw. But no, cried the group, an Alfiq would never do such a thing. But why not, challenged Ji’sari, were they not equal to the mer? Can Khajiit not be better than they?

The group stared open-mouthed, aghast that such a thing be mentioned out loud, though under their own rule, Khajiit were brought up to defer to their Altmeri overlords, they did after all, return Masser and Secunda to the night sky following the Void Nights.

Ji’sari had probably consumed a little too much spiced wine, and felt emboldened by the attention of the group sitting below. Leaping from the rock and twisting in the air, she landed facing them, crouching, one hand on the ground steadying herself, a sly grin on her face, Ji’sari held her hand out towards them, palm up, concentrating, pulling her energies into focus and produced a small dancing flame.

There were quickly muffled shrieks, some of the group ran over to her to shelter her from view lest any of the guards notice the commotion. Questions followed, how, when and why, Ji’sari answered with the enthusiasm of someone who was drunk in the moment.

Ji'sari told of how a merchant selling books and scrolls had passed through the city in early Morning Star many months before, and had been showing off his wares which included some spell tomes, the curious Khajiit watching as he dazzled the local Khajiit and the young Altmeri who had not yet taken up any training in the arts of magicka. When the crowd had left, Ji’sari had approached the merchant, a small amount of coin in her purse gained her a slim tome on the art of fire magicks.

Determined to be able to do something that most Khajiit in the city could not, but their mer overlords could, Ji’sari dedicated herself to studying the tome while sitting on rooftops, meditating whilst balancing on the various objects above the roof tiles to improve her concentration.

Scared of the reaction of their elders, or the authorities finding out, her friends begged her to keep her ability secret, but Ji’sari, still high from the use of magicka, would not be hushed. Her oldest friend, Ribazh, pleaded with her, but understood that Ji’sari was not a Khajiit to be tamed and must walk her own path through the desert sands.

The following morning, the group left the confines of the city, Ji’sari with a small bag of belongings, they said farewell to their friend and returned through the gate causing a commotion to hide her absence. Ji'sari slipped in amongst some merchants who had recently left the city, and began her journey across Elsweyr.

~——————————~

#Fiction #ElderScrolls

Just in case you never heard it before, I hike, a lot. I love trekking and I'm often out for pilgrimages, looking for curiosities and great natural places.

But, in the last one I decided differently...

In fact, I decided to go for the Oropa Sanctuary in the Alps, called “the shrine between earth and sky” where one of the most important black Madonnas is kept.

From the site:

The Oropa Sanctuary is the most important and largest Sanctuary dedicated to the Virgin Mary to be found in the Alps. It is located in a unique, natural and unspoilt setting at 1200 mt. a.m.s.l[...]

Keep in mind that I'm no believer although I truly appreciate sacred art, so unique, natural and unspoilt setting was what truly intrigued me about the Oropa Trail, specifically the Serra route.

Coming out from the woods and gazing upon the sanctuary in the far distance was simply majestic. I then approached the main building, the upper basilica, and walked through the sacred yard. After entering, looking at the ceiling, with the dome towering at 80 meters high, passing near the humongous marble columns and finally resting my eyes at the black Madonna left me struck with my mouth open.

And, I felt something.

Yes, you read that correctly, I felt something. It was not a calling, it was not my name whispered into my ears with a harp gently played and definitely wasn't another pilgrim bumping into my backpack.

What it was was a connection. A connection spanning several centuries in the past, with all the pilgrims that passed through that trail, with their burdens, in search for something more. I wrote above that I'm no believer but I need to clarify that what I don't really believe in are cults; I do believe in a force above us that could be defined as an “natural equilibrium” (mind, not Karma).

Anyway, believer or non believer, worshipping this or that god or just waiting for the natural equilibrium to kick in, we are all the same, we are all connected.

We're all wanderers in the dark, looking for a light to brigthen up our life.

And since we're all the same, we might as well be that light to each other (starting being kind, like stated in the gentle wolf and the angry wolf recent post)

In case you might be interested in watching some photos from my journey, here's a link

#Oropa #Trekking #Faith

A second volume swiftly followed the first, with our young Khajiit also having a namesake created as a player character in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Tales of a Quite Peculiar Cat – Volume 2

By Rubyn Frey

In many ways Ji'sari was a typical Khajiit, they have a tendency towards very sweet things and also to develop various abilities that may cause them to cross paths with the authorities. Often as a very young kit, Ji'sari wished to test herself but also had a yearning for something sweet.

~——————————~

On one such occasion it was a yearning for some sweet Dune gnocchi, Ji'sari slipped out of her room and across the rooftops, sometimes leaping from roof to roof, or if the jump was too far, dropping down and passing unseen across roads or alleyways and finding a way back up to the rooftops to continue making her way to the market which was close to the warehouse district, but not so close that she would could cause any concern to her father or his employer. Reaching the inn nearby Ji'sari quietly dropped from the roof onto some conveniently stacked crates.

Pausing and observing the various merchants and their customers for a time, she then slipped under a table and waited, ensuring that she could see, but be unseen. The various stalls of sweet treats and meats were busy as local Khajiit picked up their supplies, occasional stalls of household goods and fine fabrics were less busy but visited by nobles or, servants sent on errands by their masters.

Waiting for the opportune moment Ji'sari, slipped behind a large group making their way around the market, to the next stall, where again she waited. Ji'sari repeated the process until she reached the sweet traders stall, the strong smell of cinnamon and other treats filling her senses. The traders robes of red and tan were long and flowing, the under robes in silk, the over robes in a heavy cotton to keep out the dust which would blow around the city when the winds came in from the deserts. A purse to his right heavy with coin, and a deep fold to the left giving an indication to Ji'sari that a pocket lay within.

Cautiously our kit slipped some coins into the pocket, taking care not to disturb the fabric more than a gentle breeze disturbs a tree, and then, reached slowly from under the stall to pick up the tempting gnocchi, still warm to the touch. A large hand covered hers, enclosing the hand and the gnocchi which lay within, and dragged Ji'sari from her hiding place, the Raht guard hauling her to her feet.

“That one!” The sweet trader growled, “again!”

“This one did not do anything,” claimed the kit.

“You cannot deny, you have been caught red handed,” rumbled the guard.

Ji’sari wriggled until her tunic came loose from the firm grip, and made off with a start, giggling. “Oh yes, ha, check Khajiit pocket!”

Running off towards the back of the inn, quickly finding a a safe place to hide her prize in her leather pouch, Ji'sari climbed back up to the rooftops. Finding a spot to again observe the goings on of the market, she settled back to enjoy her sweet Dune gnocchi with some blackberry flavoured milk from a small earthenware flask tied onto her belt.

Yes, Ji’sari, while a typical mischievous kit, was also honourable, the thrill was in taking, not being caught and being in places no one would suspect, but never in stealing.

~——————————~

#Fiction #ElderScrolls

Hey folks, it's time for yeat another weekly post that no one asked for. Which is a first step in trying to get some consistency and get a healthy habit for me. Plus, my alter ego (The Innkeeper) just updated Writefreely to the new version so...

I like to get my posts a title that isn't really connected to the main topic of the post itself and try to work into the post by creating a visual concept (or a metaphor), and this time won't be any different.

Let's start by thinking what a step is. No seriously, take a few minutes and imagine what's a step and what does it mean for you.

Is it just a mechanical way to get your body moving from point A to point B? Is it a oh-so-used metaphor with a profound meaning (like every change/travel/trail begins with a single step)? All of the above? Non of the above?

I don't hold the truth (pfft, imagine if I were, what an effed world we'd be living in...) but a step for me is just a single inseparable fragment of space and time combined together. You can't take the same step again in a different moment, you can't have two different steps at the same time (well, unless you'd be jumping but bear with me and count that as a single step for the sake of this post). And every step carries your weight, may it be heavy because you're carrying a lot over your shoulders, may it be light because you're not, thus taking us in having three different concepts melded into one: space, time, happiness.

Effin' cool, isn't it? It's a neat concept holding together the past (all the steps you took – aka the footprints –, how were you feeling), the present (the direction you're going, how are you) and the future (all the steps you'll take, how you will be).

If my calculations are correct, you're just looking at this phrase thinking > “Jeez Alex, just start writing about hiking and how is good for you, me, everyone”. No, I won't, but hey, baby steps, we'll get there eventually. Today will be about something completely different, today I want to share something that I've talked about with only a few (not even my family).

A step forward

If you had the chance to read Waves, tossing you up and down – and if you hadn't, no worries, you know that I'm currently dealing with depression (aka the not-so-big-D). I didn't use the “battling” because honestly, it's not that bad.

Two pair of heavy footprints in the sand

One of the main reason that caused this condition lies in something happened a few years ago, when me and my wife lost a chance to be parents by a spontaneous abortion. There's no one to blame, it just happened. Back at the time we were just out from a complicated period, during which we simply couldn't have kids, first we were too young, we were too broke, then we were in the middle of moving, then my mother in law had cancer. And when we finally could, we tried and tried to no avail.

Needless to say, it felt like a warming ray of sun before it quickly disappeared behind the cloud, forever.

It was hard at first, very hard. But then it got harder with the years passing by, mostly due to the social stigma; sometimes – most of the time to be honest – people judges you by the fact that you're a parent and not how a good of a parent you are and being without a child is synonym of something going on in the couple (cheating, fighting) plus being treated as an inferior being from couples with child.

It's scar tissue that you don't want anyone seeing, but it's there, and it reminds you that you won't be whole again, never again.

Another step forward

After an year of trying and bleeding our hearts out, we decided to give medically assisted procreation (MAP for short) a chance; fortunately is almost paid in fully in the country where we live by public sanity.

Two pairs of heavy footprints in the mud

I'm not gonna lie, it was an horrible experience, due to the nurses and doctors working in that department, treating us like cows to the slaughter, mostly because they get their annual budget over the number of babies conceived instead of people treated. If you have to work with couples not able to conceive, you should get your soft gloves on and be tactful is what I'm thinking, but apparently it's a wrong concept in that department.

Nevertheless, we tried and seemed like everything was working out, but after a few weeks, it just happened again and we felt back like when we were in the sand, but this time with even heavier footprints, like we were walking in the mud.

A step forward, again

Half an year passed from that moment, bearing less grievance than the first time, but definitely not helping us with a lighter heart. Then we finally decided to give MAP a go again, which involved a lot of medical exams, lots of tests, a lot of paperwork and once again, dealing with the tactless company of the MAP department of our city. But even if it was hard, we knew we would have cherished the result, like nothing else before.

Two pairs of heavy footprints in fresh concrete and a tire

I don't believe in fate as in “it's everything already decided”, it's pure bullshit. I believe in coincidences, I believe in being the change I want to see in the world and I don't believe in anyone upon my head maneuvering me like a puppet.

But, the day my wife was ran over by a runaway car, in a supermarket parking lot, I almost started believing in fate. I'm keeping this short and maybe I'll write about this in a future post, but long story short, she got away with only a broken foot (whew), but due to the medication and the physical rehabilitation, we had to suspend the MAP treatment, again.

Where we rested for a while, before taking a step

I think I'm going to take a brief pause here, because remembering all of what happened during the last few years is taking quite a toll on my mental health and well being. Exactly what we did when my wife finally got through her physical rehabilitation, we took a break doing treatments and thinking about another pair of baby footprints nearby ours.

Like I wrote before, it's scar tissue. And sometimes, most of the times to be honest, it itches, it hurts, and your mind has always a thought fixed on that itch, on that permanent pain, where the skin once were whole and now there's a scar. And the stigma, oh the social stigma, won't allow us to talk about this with anyone, may be family, may be friends, only a selected few. Not so long ago, a member of my family subtly suggested me to find another woman and start a life anew. This is the exact level of the stigma I was writing about.

I didn't answer to that provocation, mostly because I know that those words were born from ignorance. They don't know that we didn't grow sour over the years and the failures, we're not afraid of talking about the specific topic or meeting with other couples with child or just looking at parents playing with their kids. We're not envious, we're just hurting. We share a pain that deep that made our marriage even stronger, a pain that many of us, fortunately, don't know, but often can't/won't understand.

And if you continue scratching a scar, that will surely start bleeding again. And here we are, with lots of scars, so much – metaphoric, although sometimes not so much – blood spilled. I (and I'm using the first person because I don't want to share too much about my wife's personal stuff) decided to see a therapist to help me catch some breath and deal with the burden I was carrying on my shoulder, making my steps heavier and heavier, and I must admit, that helped me a lot. A lot.

Where the steps will lead, a mountainous trail

I don't know what the future will hold, neither I have the presumption of knowing it, but I'm quite sure of the path we decided to walk again: the MAP, but this time, with a twist, meaning we decided to contact a private center outside our city and an affiliated private center, outside our country, due to our country' strict laws about fecundation outside the mother's body with an egg donor.

Again, I will probably post about this in the future, but for now let's wrap this up and if you had the courage to read the whole post, have a musical treat. Because even if your steps get heavier, you can't afford to not move forward.

#MedicallyAssistedProcreation #Child

The Goo Goo Dolls have just released their latest EP, “Summer Anthem.” I'll be 100% honest the first song released as part of their “Summer Anthem” tour, “Nothing Lasts Forever” had me worried, had John Rzeznik finally run out of lyrics? This is a reflection of my first 24 hrs. with the album.

Whilst the album has a different feel to recent albums, it gives me “Something for the Rest of Us” vibes in that this may not have been the full album they wanted to put out due to being pushed out on tour following the renewed interest in “Iris”, but it is music they wanted to write and release, it strikes me as very personal for where they are now in their lives. Also, whoever came up with the artwork, needs to be given the exact items in the image and try to make them work!

I can't find a bad track, it's trademark Goo, happy, hopeful but look under the surface and you can see what brought them here, they're still holding onto the ground for dear life even after nearly 40 years of the band.

“Ocean” is a total rock out, it’s serious steering wheel drums, keyboard and head nodding in the car with this one! It's quite an intense track for more recent Goo Goo Dolls albums, it's not quite “Gutterflower” level, but getting there.

One day I will sit down and analyse “Nothing Lasts Forever”, there are a lot of shared lyrics from “Money, Fame and Fortune”, but if you listen closely there are other tracks as well. In a recent NPR interview John said in question to whether it was his retirement song, “I wish it was, but it was just more about the transient nature of our relationships and life.”

“Slightly Broken” is feels very modern, but “so” John since “Let Love In”, the man still sounds like he's completely in love and grateful for the family he now has.

“Misery” gives me Don Henley “Boys of Summer” vibes, it's not quite the right description, but I think it's the right era, it's mellow summer all over!

The obligatory Robby Takac track “Such A Mystery”, is the happiest sounding track on the album, would love to see this played live, it's very “Prayer in my Pocket” mixed with “Strange Love.”

“Run All Night” was released initially in 2023, fantastic track and something to live by, make the most of the time you have, very poignant for me as this was the year my brother passed away at 47.

“Not Goodbye (Close my Eyes)” had me in tears the first time I heard it, I can't tell if it's releasing memories, the loss of someone, hope or if I'm reading between the lines too much, which is easy to do with John's lyrics as he tends to be quite biographical.

Sitting here hopeful for a UK/Europe tour soon as I found the Goo Goo Dolls just as they finished their last UK tour in 2023, but was lucky enough to see them in New Zealand with Matchbox Twenty in 2024, but still feel like I've known them for decades.

[Disclaimer: No affiliation to the Goo Goo Dolls or Warner Music, just a bean counter in the UK who loves music]

#NowPlaying #NewMusic

I'm a gamer. I also live in Canada. It gets cold here, and there are some times where getting the kids out of the house is just not an option.

So, I've turned them into gamers.

And, honestly – it's been great! Not only has gaming been a terrific way to connect with my kids, but it's also a platform to help them learn skills like teamwork, leadership, resilience, and grit while having a ton of fun.

One challenge I've encountered since becoming a dad, though, is finding the right games to play with my kids. I don't want to just sit them in front of any old gacha brainrot – I want something they connect with, that's easy to pick up and fun to play, and where we always know we're going to have a great time. It also has to meet us where we are at: sometimes we're in the mood for competing, sometimes working together, or sometimes just exploring and building.

So, I've put together this guide to help other parents as you explore gaming with your children. Read through it, bookmark it, then come back to it later as you need. The goal shouldn't be to get every game all at once, but, as you play through one game and want to explore others, come back to this page and see what piques your interest. Read, bookmark, boost (if you like!), and enjoy!

Cream of the Crop

Whenever someone asks “What are great games for playing with kids?”, these are always the first I recommend. Easy to pick up, great gameplay, and minimal content any parent would ever need to worry about.

Unrailed

The concept is simple – you're building a rail line through an untouched wilderness, clearing land and gathering two resources to build rail to the next train station. The twist? The train is already rolling down the track!

The game features a great difficulty ramp as the train gets slightly faster with each station, and multiple biomes that each offer unique challenges. Will you make it to the end? Probably not. But the fun of the game is the collaboration – who is getting what resources? Did you grab those rails? What path should we follow? It's a great way to develop collaboration and critical thinking skills with kids, and have a blast doing it.

Concerning content? Not a bit. Cross-platform play? Buttery smooth across all major platforms.

Wobbly Life

Ever have your kid complain about something (never happens, I know) and you tell them to “get a job”? Now they can!

Wobbly Life is like a kid-friendly open-world game (think Grand Theft Auto, but, like, legal), where kids complete jobs across a city, a secret island, caves, aircraft carrier, aliens, and much, much more. Drive all kinds of vehicles, adopt a pet, buy a house – it's a ton of fun exploring the range of activities available in this world. It's in early access now, but full release has been announced in September 2025 (with a space update!).

Concerning content? Non-graphic death when you enter water (you just go floppy), then respawn back on land. Cross-platform play? Available on most major platforms (Steam, Nintendo, etc.), but I haven't tried cross-play yet.

Open World Games

Full disclosure – I love generative open world games. I love the starting fresh, finding something new, and the endless possibilities each world offers. This has been a great fit for gaming with my kids, as it gives them room to explore without getting tied down by what they've done before. Here are some of the best.

Minecraft

Have you heard of this one? Might be a little under the radar. A voxel-based open world game with a range of biomes, amazing creatures, and a unique physics system that lets you build whatever you can imagine. But watch out for the monsters that come out at night!

It's super-easy to pick up, but hard to master. You likely won't be playing through the story on this one, but rather spend your time spelunking the caves and building wondrous structures across it's range of biomes. There is also a deep modding store and community for the game, so the possibilities are endless.

Concerning content? There are some elements of fear and cartoon violence here – your kid will scream as they're chased by zombies and giant spiders, then breathe a sigh of relief after cutting them down with their sword. However, it's nothing worse than they'd find in a Minions movie.

Cross-platform play? Look, this game runs great on basically every platform in existence.

No Man's Sky

One of the best sci-fi games ever made, No Man's Sky lets you explore an endless universe planet by planet, system by system. While this is technically a game for grown-ups, it's also a blast with kids, if only to explore all of the different planets, check out the bizarre creatures, and use creative mode to build your own cities in unbelievably gorgeous locales.

Concerning content? You can play the game entirely as a pacifist, or there can be minor violence and fear if you get chased by the robot sentinels or have to shoot down a wandering predator.

Cross-platform play? Terrific across every major system (pun intended).

Starbound

Think of Starbound as a block based, 2D pixelated version of No Man's Sky, complete with expansive exploration, mining, farming, and combat. It may be a little harder to pick up than some of the other games, but once you understand the logic behind the controls and inventory, it offers a universe of possibilities.

It's unfortunately not controller friendly, and really best played on PC with keyboard and mouse for now. However, it's great for some drop-in co-op play on multiple computers.

Concerning content? There is a bit of violence, as combat is common mechanic in the game. That said, you can easily play as a pacifist on peaceful planets after the initial sequence if you'd just prefer just to mine, farm, and build.

Cross-platform play? Simple and works great.

Don't Starve Together

A somewhat macabre entry in the open-world survival genre, Don't Starve Together is still a great time for older kids looking for something different. Along with common mechanics like hunger, crafting, hunting, and farming, there is also an interesting “sanity” mechanic where, the longer you go without sleep, the less sanity you have and the more monsters come out at night. Sleep is important!

Concerning content? There is mild violence (hunting, fighting monsters) as well as creepy fear from the monsters. However, it's not excessive – somewhere between Desmond Cole and Goosebumps.

Cross-platform play? Available on all systems, and I can verify that multiplayer works great on Steam.

Collaborative Games

These games focus on teamwork and collective problem solving to beat the game. Since all of the puzzles or worlds are pre-baked, there tends to be less replay value with the games – but they're great to play through, put down for a while, then come back to a few months or years later.

Pico Park

Looking for simple, colorful, collaborative puzzle game to play with kids of all ages? This is a perfect one to start with. The controls are straightforward, the puzzles are easy to grasp and can only be solved by working effectively together. An absolute blast – highly recommended.

Concerning content? Not a bit.

Cross-platform play? Looks like it's only available on Steam and Nintendo Switch, but works great in both remote- and local-co-op on Steam.

Pikuniku

A close cousin to Pico Park, pretty much all of the same observations apply. Pikuniku's puzzles are a bit more complex, involving switches, doors, some moving objects, but it's easy to see how they all fit together. Overall, though, simply a blast for couch co-op.

Concerning content? Nada.

Cross-platform play? Again, looks like it's only available on Steam and Nintendo Switch, but works great in both remote- and local-co-op on Steam.

Fling to the Finish

You know those three-legged races, where your leg is tied to your partner's leg, and you have to work together to be able to run effectively? Yeah, that's this game, except you are both balls connected by a string, and you can arbitrarily stick to things. So basically the same deal.

Across a range of clever and challenging courses, you and your partner will need to work together to climb up walls, cross pitfalls, and avoid getting would around obstacles. It's a great adventure in problem solving and team work.

Concerning content? Nope.

Cross-platform play? Steam-only for now, but terrific for both remote and couch co-op play.

Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime

This is a great, multi-player spaceship-management sim in the vein of Void Crew, Pulsar, and Jump Ship, but targeted for the junior set. You and your kids can fly very own customizable spaceship through a 2D universe full of colorful asteroids, space monsters, and other creatures! You will need to take turns managing navigation, shields, and more to accomplish your mission. (And the soundtrack is great!)

A warning: I've had some minor controller assignment issues with a larger number of players – controller would randomly switch in the middle of a game, or control two avatars at a time. However, it works great for a mix of control modes (M+K along with wired and wireless controllers), and is a blast to play.

Concerning content? This game does feature cartoon weapons and destroying cartoon bad guys, and there is some mild stress and fear as you work your way through some more challenging levels.

Cross-platform play? Available on all major platforms, although I've only played it via Steam couch co-op.

Ship of Fools

This is another ship management game for 1-2 players. In a briny cartoon world, you'll navigate your ship past a range of different challenging enemies to stop the Aquapocalypse! The main game cycle focuses on loading/aiming/firing the cannons on board your ship at the various enemies, then using power-ups and upgrades to get progressively further on the map over time. It's a tough game, but lots of fun, especially when your team gets in the swing of things. Great for older kids!

Concerning content? This game features cartoon weapons against cartoon enemies, with mild fear and stress as the battles grow in intensity.

Cross-platform play? Available on all major platforms, although I've only played it via Steam couch and remote co-op (which worked great!)

Competitive Games

While working together is great, sometimes challenging each other is great, too. The games below offer a variety of different family-friendly competition for all skill levels. Be aware, though – all of these games have winners and losers, and so make sure your kids are ready to be either!

Ultimate Chicken Horse

Ultimate Chicken Horse is a 2D platformer with a terrific game loop. First, you add items to the course. Then, you play the course with your friends – first to the end wins. Then, add more stuff, and play again. Success is determined by building a course that you can beat but your opponents can't. Filled with creative traps and challenges, it can go a ton of different directions based on who you're playing with. You and your kids will have a lot of fun exploring the creative possibilities of this game.

Concerning content? While this a cartoon game focused on co-op, there are some mild thematic elements – laser beams, saws, and other environmental weapons will kill characters, with a little splash of blood whenever that happens.

Cross-platform play? Available on all major platforms, although I've only played it via Steam couch and remote co-op (which worked great!)

Boomerang Fu

A super fun, stylized arena fighter, you and your food-themed team battle other food-themed opponents with boomerangs and other weapons on a range of creative courses. Controls are easy to pick-up, battles are fast and chaotic – it's always a blast!

Concerning content? Cartoon violence with silly weapons against, like, anthropomorphic pizza.

Cross-platform play? Available on every major platform, and cross-play works great!

Bopl Battle

Bopl Battle is a fast-paced 2D platform battler in the vein of Smash Bros. However, instead of the focus being on an assortment of pre-built characters, every player gets to customize essentially the same character with a huge array of offensive and defensive weapons, mapped to the controller exactly as you like. The environments can also be manipulated with certain weapons, making every experience unique.

Battles are very fast – you can knock someone out in a few seconds with a well-aimed shot, and it's unusual for a battle to last over a minute. Every round is a blast, though – every time we play this game, my kids and I spend the whole time laughing.

Concerning content? There's a huge variety of cartoon weapons, and you (playing as a slime) get splattered when you're killed. No blood or gore, though.

Cross-platform play? Unfortunately only on Steam for Windows. However, this game was built for couch co-op and controllers.

Racing Games

There are a ton of great, kid-friendly racing games out there, but these two are standouts for me.

Mario Kart

Look – Mario Kart never misses. It's a perfect racing game for all ages and skill levels. Just pick any random Mario Kart game, and it is the best family-friendly racing game of it's era.

The only downside is that it is a Nintendo-exclusive – unless...🏴‍☠️

Concerning content? A variety of cartoon weapons, but more annoyance than violence when you get hit. If you blow-up or fall off, you just get reset to your last position.

Cross-platform play? Nintendo only, but great for couch co-op.

Beach Buggy Racing 2

This game is like a low-budget Mario Kart – a variety of characters and vehicles that are more...realistic(?) than it's Mario-universe peers, as well as a clever variety of power-ups and courses. And it's available on platforms outside of Nintendo!

The one other thing to recommend this game is it's very deep story mode that ramps difficulty well and challenges players to develop their skills at racing, driving, and combat.

But if you just want couch co-op with a light-hearted combat racer? It's a great choice.

Concerning content? There are a variety of cartoon weapons, including rockets. However, they are more annoying than violent. If you get hit or off course, you just get reset to the course, no muss or fuss.

Cross-platform play? Works great on a variety of platforms (including Android!), and couch co-op is great with controllers.

Farming Sims

There's a multitude of family-friend farming sims available now at a range of price points – these are the two that I've played and recommend.

Stardew Valley

The game that launched a thousand farming-sim clones, this a great experience for kids of all ages. After inheriting a farm from your grandfather, you leave your depressing city job for the rural life. Meet a cast of colorful characters, gather resources, build your farm, enjoy festivals, and maybe meet the love of your life? All in delightful pixel graphics and easy-to-use controls. This game can be as simple or as deep as you would like, and there is always more to explore.

Concerning content? A key mechanic is fighting cartoon enemies in mines with basic weapons. Killing an enemy simply means they disappear and drop some loot, though, so nothing graphic. You can also get killed, but then you just wake up in your house. There are also minor thematic elements in that you can romance other characters and have babies – although, as in life, this is optional.

Cross-platform play? Yep, and it's available on every major platform.

Farming Simulator 22

If you/your kid are into more realistic farming experiences, this one is a great option. Create your own farm in your choice of beautiful locales, plant, harvest, sell, build, all to your heart's content with a range of real world farm vehicles and buildings.

Concerning content? Not at all.

Cross-platform play? Yep, also works great across every major platform.

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What did I miss? What would you recommend? I'd love your thoughts – ping me on Mastodon here. Thanks for reading!